I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Randomize
