Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
