I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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