i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
