I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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