there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
