Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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