He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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