Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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