I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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