what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
