you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
