I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
