And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
