I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
