if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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