I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
