is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
