In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
