I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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