Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
This couple is walking their pig around campus
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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