I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
