The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
People in love make me want to vomit
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
i now understand why vodka
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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