We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
