Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
