I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I supernannyed him into submission
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
