how can u be prego again
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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