My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Thank you for not boning my boss.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
