just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
