So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
