Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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