your room smells of hookers.
And success
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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