I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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