im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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