I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
