You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
