So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
