he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
