I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
