it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
