Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
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