She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
