Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
