ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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