i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
