So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize