look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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