Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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