it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
where does the pee come out of this thing
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
