You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I still have a little drunk in my system
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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