i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
