I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
