Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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