ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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