Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
