In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
