I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
