listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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