I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
