just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize