I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
