Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
