someone get that fucking seahorse.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
