She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
