if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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