I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
