can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize
